All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
