I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
