well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I supernannyed him into submission
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
