I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Houston, we have a squirter
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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