she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
