yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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