Soap is not a condiment
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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