She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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