His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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