I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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