We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
