i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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