the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
