Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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