No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
