I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We named our party play list daddy issues
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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