I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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