I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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