I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
