You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize