it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
