You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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