when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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