Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
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the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
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sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome