sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.