i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
So many bounce houses so little time
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The car smells like weed is an understatement.