I think i peed on brittanys purse
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"