Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house