i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
