If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
