I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
