Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
