hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
