so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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