You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize