The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
