I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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