bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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