The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
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Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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