Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
