Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
We need a shit load of segways right now
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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