i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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