whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
