Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I have feelings that need drinking.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
