Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
