I look better un-naked...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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