do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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