porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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