would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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