Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
