Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
