Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
