i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
why do cheetos always look like penises
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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