those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
