Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
