i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize