You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
