Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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