just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
