I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
