i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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