just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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