btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
