i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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