Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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